The Intranet Sketch

The Intranet Sketch

 

(Enter George and Steve, who interrupt the opening of the session; they are carrying wine glasses half full)

 

George: Hello? Who is that online the line?

 

Steve: Er Steven.

 

George: Steven! It’s me! George. Is that really you, in a virtual meeting!

 

Steve: Of course, I’ve embraced the internet!

 

George: Well, I haven’t seen you on facebook!

 

Steve: Facebook. Not sure I’ve read that one. Anyway, how are you?

 

Steve: Oh…you know. Could be better. You?

 

George: Up and down, swings and roundabouts. 

 

Steve: I must say, I didn’t know YOU had an intranet!

 

George: Oh yes, a big one. And you?

 

Steve: yes, we’ve got one as well. 

 

George: Big?

 

Steve: Enormous.

 

George: Well, I’d say ours was huge actually.

 

Steve: Humungous one, ours. You can’t really buy bigger.

 

George: Well, size IS important in the world of IT. So with our intranet we went for the biggest. Lot’s of Megawatts.

 

Steve: I think you mean megabits.

 

George: Er…I was speaking metaphorically. It’s a really “high powered” intranet. Giga this, mega that and plenty of hyper the other.

 

Steve: Oh I see. Ours isn’t just big. It’s got all the bells and whistles as well.

 

George: Whistles. I think you mean “Wikis.”

 

Steve: Nope, whistles. When you log in successfully to our intranet it makes a bell noise and when you get the password wrong it makes a whistle sound.

 

(He takes out a police whistle and blows on it) Like that!

 

George: I’d have thought that whistle-blowing might create a lot of caution amongst your staff.

 

Steve: Hadn’t thought of that! Bugger! Anyway, what’s a Wiki?

 

George: I have no idea actually. There ought to be some kind of gismo on our intranet where you could post that question and you could access the answer from someone who knew.

 

Steve: A kind of “What I know is…” sort of thing.

 

George: Yes, exactly. I’ll put that in my Blag.

 

Steve: Blag?

 

George: Er Blog.

 

Steve: Oh your BLOG! You know, I have never really known what BLOG stands for.

 

George: Oh, that’s easy.

 

Steve: What, then?

 

George (fumbles): Business er… Leadership Operational ..er..so, how are your users rating your intranet.

 

Steve: Well, according to our survey of users, which was an impressive 3 percent return on our sampled questionnaire….

 

George: Doesn’t that come out at about 3 people in your size of company?

 

Steve: (sheepishly) Brenda also filled one out.

 

George: But she’s your wife!

 

Steve: She’s often in, in the afternoon helping me with my receipts.

 

George: Ok, 4 people then.

 

Steve: It’s quality data though. The feedback has been positive. Although there have been a few teething problems with the Search Engine.

 

George: Oh?

 

Steve: Yes, apparently, when people put MY name in they get all sorts of strange results.

 

George: “Steven Bull”

 

Steve: Right on the money. And when people put in “IT” they get every document that contains the word “It”. And you don’t want to know what happens when they search for the IT Main Support Office.

 

George: Why?

 

Steve: Well, they type in South Harpenden Information Technology.

 

George: S..H..I..oh I see what you mean.

 

Steve: How about you? 

 

George: Well, my IT people are not sure I bought the right system.

 

Steve: Well, why didn’t you get THEM to decide?

 

George: Those geeks? This is a lot of money we are talking.

 

Steve: So what’s the problem?

 

George: They say we have got the right system for the wrong organisation.

 

Steve: Cheeky buggers.

 

George: It cost a small fortune you know. It’s a Rolls Royce of Intranets.

 

Steve: So what are you going to do?

 

George: Well they say it’s the right system for the wrong organisation. So, it’s simple:

 

George and Steve: Change the Organisation to fit the system! Cheers!

 

 

 

THE END

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