City Council Away Day – short scenes used on the day


 

Scene One: Survey

 

Set at a photocopier

 

Dean:

Well, here they are, still warm off the printer

 

Ray:

The survey results?

 

Dean:

The results of the 2006 User Satisfaction Survey for all our I.T Services

 

Ray:

Well, this should make for interesting reading.

 

Dean:

I’m afraid not.

 

Ray:

What do you mean?

 

Dean:

I checked all the headline metrics.

 

Ray:

According to this survey, our users have over 95% satisfied with every aspect of their I.T service – from fault reporting, to help-line, from search engine effectiveness, to our intranet service provision.

 

Dean:

But that patently isn’t true. We know there are all kinds of problems – that’s why we commissioned the survey.

 

Ray:

Well, according to this, our users love us to bits.

 

Dean:

Oh. (pause) This survey was anonymous wasn’t it?

 

Ray:

Yup, fill out on paper and put it in the proverbial box, or complete it online – both fully anonymous.

 

Dean:

We’ll have to tear it up.

 

Ray:

Or burn it!

 

 

Scene Two:  Complacency

 

Sally and Mike are seated with cups of tea.

 

Sally:

Have you heard Sue’s bad news?

 

Mike:

No, what?

 

Sally:

Her husband Mark’s been made redundant from Carrows.

 

Mike:

No! They’ve just moved into a bigger house she was telling me.

 

Sally:

I know. And their Joss is starting Uni in September.

 

Mike

That is bad. Luckily Sue’s working in the job-for-life public sector.

 

Sally:

Well, even that isn’t so true anymore. Who’d have thought it though? Carrows, eh? They’re the last place you’d ever think would be in trouble.

 

Mike:

They were the high-flyers in I.T.

 

Sally:

Sally says it was complacency.

 

Mike:

How do you mean?

 

Sally:

Search engine optimisation was big business for five years. And they were good. But they got complacent. They failed to see it coming.

 

Mike:

Well that could happen here.

 

Sally:

Never in a month of Sundays.

 

Mike:

Course it could.  We’re top of the league now. But you were there when Clive mentioned the rumours about that out of town development. It’s only a few miles away.

 

Sally:

That’s just rumours.  They could never beat us anyway.  We all work so well as a team – there’s never a cross word here.  We’re one big happy family.

 

Mike:

I bet that’s the sort of language they were using at Carrows a few years ago.

 

Sally:

Do you reckon?

 

Mike:

Maybe what we need round here is a bloody good row once in a while.  

 

END.

 

 

 

Scene Three:  Across the Water

 

Rita and Charlie rush onto the stage

 

Rita:

Thank God, we made it.  I thought we were going to miss the start of the meeting. That car-park always feels further away than it is.

 

Charlie:

I know. That’s why the public hardly use it. It’s too off the beaten track.

 

Rita:

It’s too gloomy.  It needs more investment to make it enticing.

 

Charlie:

I bet the rides and concessions are doing badly. I’ve never see many people over there, unless the Park is really packed.

 

Rita:

Well quite, not everyone wants to walk over a long bridge and all the way round a pitch and putt course, no matter how good the food is.

 

Charlie:

You’re not going to say anything are you?

 

Rita:

What, at the meeting?

 

Charlie:

Yes. I know you feel strongly on this one but you might put Alan’s nose out of joint.  You know how sensitive he is.

 

Rita:

Look, everyone knows that part of the park isn’t working. Why is it taboo to even talk about it?  It shouldn’t be.

 

Charlie:

Yeah well, best not rock the boat, eh?

 

END.

 

 

 

 

 

Scene Four: The fifth time

 

John:

So, you wanted to see me?

 

Brynn:

We needed the user stats for the meeting. Where were they?

 

John:

Oh, a few other things came up. Sorry.

 

Brynn:

Sorry? Sorry isn’t good enough. We needed them. We couldn’t make any important decisions.

 

John:

Well, I’ll get them to you by the next meeting.

 

Brynn:

 We needed them at THIS meeting.

 

John:

Sorry. Really. I was snowed under.

 

Brynn:

But we discussed this last time. You don’t like doing the stats so you tend to leave them at the bottom of your list. So get some help in. You’ve got a budget. Use it.

 

John:

You’re right. I will.

 

Brynn:

But this is the fourth – no the fifth time this has happened.

 

John:

Yes, sorry. It won’t happen again.

 

Brynn:

I hope not.

 

John:

Thanks, Brynn.

 

Brynn:

Eh?

 

John:

For being so blunt. You’re very honest. Thanks.

 

Brynn:

Oh, well, I’m not one to avoid an issue.

 

John:

No, you’re not; you’re a good mate and a strong member of the team.

 

Brynn:

Oh… thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene Five: Reach for the Stars

 

Al:

This script is brilliant. You’ve really excelled yourself Mark.

 

Mark:

Thanks. I was up all night finishing it.

 

Al:

This is funny, contemporary, AND it’s really cleverly plotted.

 

Tamsin:

Well let’s go for a full regional tour!

 

Al:

Maybe. That’s a big risk.

 

Mark:

Well, the funding deadline is coming up isn’t it?

 

Tamsin:

Yes, end of January. Plenty of time. What risk – we have three months.

 

Mark:

Well, if you all think this is the script we should use to go for the bigger funding.

 

Al:

Hold on. Perhaps we ought to slow down a bit.

 

Tamsin:

Slow down? You always say that! We’ve been going for two years and we still haven’t put a big funding proposal in. Not one.

 

Al:

I just don’t think we should run before we can walk.

 

Tamsin:

But we’ve been “walking” for two years. And this script ticks ALL their boxes.

 

Al:

Perhaps we should just go for some Research and Development money first. Mark?

 

Mark:

Well, you’re the artistic director.

 

Tamsin:

This is bloody ridiculous.

 

Al:

There’s always the deadline in September next year all well.

 

Mark:

Ok, you’re right, no sense in rushing things.

 

Al:

No, better be absolutely ready than putting in a shoddy proposal.

 

Tamsin:

Well I think you’re both being cowards.

 

Al:

Not cowards. Cautious. Careful. September it is then. Give you time to.. finesse the script as well.

 

Tamsin:

“Finesse the script” …“Finesse the script”

 

Mark:

Yes, good point.

 

Al:

What was that Tamsin?

 

Tamsin:

Nothing!

 

 

 

 

 

Scene Six: Honesty

 

Sue:

You know the problem with this place is that people just aren’t honest with each other.

 

Ian:

Well you can never be completely honest at work.

 

Sue:

Why not? What is so bad about honesty?

 

Ian:

Because honesty can get you into trouble.

 

Sue:

I think that’s a myth.

 

Ian:

A myth? I don’t think so. Try being totally honest here and see what happens.

 

Sue:

I don’t agree. I wouldn’t mind people being completely honest with me.

 

Ian:

I couldn’t be completely honest with you.

 

Sue:

Why not? I can handle honesty. I’m not afraid of feedback, nor criticism – as long as it’s constructive.

 

Ian:

As long as it’s constructive. See you’re already butting boundaries on the honesty.

 

Sue:

What do you mean? Why would people want to say destructive things?

 

Ian:

Well, sometimes all you can say is: that awful building needs to be knocked down. Doesn’t mean you can say what ought to go up in it’s place.

 

Sue:

Well, I don’t mind WHAT people say to me. We all ought to be more open with each other.

 

Ian:

I stand by what I said. I could never be completely honest with you.

 

Sue:

Yes you could. Try me.

 

Ian:

You’re serious?

 

Sue:

Yes, I can take any feedback you have to offer. Go for it.

 

Ian:

Alright. I think you are really sexy. I think you’ve got a great pair off…

 

(Neil has entered, interrupting)

 

Neil:

Coffee anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene Seven – Photocopier

 

(Scene. A small photocopier room. Sounds of copying. Copier is actually off stage right. Lights up on Sam and Stuart)

 

Sam: The thing I most hate about photocopying rooms is they seem to be places of malicious gossip.

 

Stuart: Yes, I can’t stand that. People think it’s all harmless. But it can cause real hurt.

 

Sam; Too right. Actually, Ed Sandler tried to slag off Amanda Carter to me only this morning. I told him where to get off.

 

Stuart: What’s up with Amanda?

 

Sam: She’s getting depressed over her trouble.

 

Stuart: (lowers his voice): You mean the rash?

 

Sam: Yes, she claims she has no I idea where it came from.

 

Stuart: Well, she wouldn’t the first person to get a rash from Barry Bunkshaft.

 

Sam: Serves her right if you ask me. I wouldn’t go near that Slimefest if you paid me.

 

Stuart: I notice she had her hand over her lip as well in the Quality Briefing this morning.

 

(they both giggle)

 

Sam: Anyway, how are you doing these days?

 

Stuart (defensively): fine thanks. You?

 

Sam: (defensively too): Terrific.

 

(they look sheepish. Lights)

 

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